WHAT WOMEN WANT is a job. But not really.

What women want is a job. 

But not really.

I don't want to boast about my 401k. Or explain how I convinced my employer to give me a 3% raise (the national average in America).

I don’t want to work in a high-rise building, sitting in a tiny cubicle, at a tiny desk, with a grey Apple laptop and a fake plant from HomeGoods in the corner. 

I don’t want to talk about investments, or sales, or connections, or LinkedIn, or networking.

I will rip my ears out if my mom tells me to “be realistic” again.  

I will rip my eyes out if I see one more LinkedIn post about someone's summer sales and marketing internship that they’re “so excited to have the opportunity for,” and how they “can’t wait to gain knowledge and expertise in this field”- like they aren’t going to spend their entire summer wishing they were doing something else (now that I think about it, I really just want nothing to do with Linkedin at all).

And I’m sorry that this is whiny. 

I am aware of how privileged this is, and I realize this discourse has been shared before. 

But I feel so exhausted from being surrounded by people who think there are only five ways to work and succeed in life. 

I am not lazy. I am also not dumb. I do well in school. I’ve had one of those “sales and marketing internships” before. I have connections, and I’ve talked about investments, and I have met with people for networking. 

It just doesn’t interest me at all. And I feel. Stuck.

And quite honestly, scared. 

I need to make money to survive in this world, and I need to make a decent amount of it if I want to thrive in any way. And I feel like the clock is ticking. 

I am aware of how young I am. I know there is time to figure it out. But that’s the thing: I have passion and energy now. I just struggle with knowing where to put it. 

I want to be something. At least something for myself. And the people I love. And I want to impact people whom I don’t know but whom I would love. I want to, not even make a difference, but just to make something. Something meaningful. I need a mission.

And I guess that in some way, this is why I started this. Maybe in some way, I made a page for ‘What Women Want’ because I have no idea what I want. Or I do know, and I am just using this as a way to write them down, to put them into the universe. This is

where I feel like I am able to unlade my energy and creativity. I don’t feel bound to a box. I started this because it means something to me. Even though I think I only have 14 followers LOL. (I just checked and the correct number is 12).

But. This. This is what I feel passionate about. Things like this. Creativity like this. Change like this. 

I just need to make some sort of money off of it now hahaha. 

I don’t know. 

I go back and forth on “a job is just a way to earn money” and “make your passions your job”. If I am going to do something to earn money, I want it to be meaningful to me. I want to be proud of what I do. And excited. 

Everything is about work. At least in my environment right now. 

And I want to work. I want to work hard. And I will. I just need it to be something that is important to me. 

I hope you all get to hear about this journey and destination.

I hope I can hear about yours. (hint hint-there is an anonymous form submission in my bio)(please actually there is a real form I want to talk to people and get advice and hear stories)

I will do, and be, something more. I promise. I have to. 

Anyways for now I guess my retail customer service job will do.